Department of Ephemera: February 2010 Archives

In BPL's unending quest for the trappings of legitimacy, it has issued a Recall.  But this is not like Recalls issued by corporate giants for products like unstoppable or unstartable automobiles, plasticy dog food, or leaded teething devices.  Its not even a Recall proper.  BPL announces its first Precall.

Our Systems Sustainability for New Aerospacey Products (SSNAP) Division has been analyzing the marketing value of product recalls.  We estimate that the Legitimacy Index Exception (LIE) is increased when products are publicly exposed as faulty, poorly designed, dangerous, or fraudulent.  Companies see increased growth, especially after a good media lambasting.

As all BPL products are somewhat inefficiently hand made and developed by our single employee, there is much to recommend them for this marketing strategy.  But rather than spend a lot of time and money on shipping things out, recalling them and then shipping them out again, which is really the harmful part of any recall, we will PRE-RECALL our unshipped (and even as - yet unproduced or unimagined)  merchandise.  This means that BPL Products already have the legitimizing stamp of RECALLED when you, dear aerospace consumer, receive them.  Thus, you can bask in the 'improved' condition of your Stereo Viewer, or Pocket Protector, or A7LB Space Suit, when you first remove it from its shipping carton.  BPL believes that its Precall system will soon become an industry standard. We have already effected improvements on several of our product lines equalling two to four Recalls of any of our competitors.  Our goal is to offer the best Recall Experience in the Aerospace field.  

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This page is a archive of recent memos in February 2010.

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